14 And Under: -1973 Parents Guide-

Compromise on the hair. Fight on the shoes. A broken ankle in 1973 means a plaster cast for six weeks with no waterproof cover. You will be signing the cast with a Sharpie every night. Sex Education In 1973, most schools still separate boys and girls for a single 45-minute filmstrip titled “Becoming a Woman” or “The Wonder of Growth.” The filmstrip features a disembodied voice, a flute soundtrack, and a diagram of a uterus that looks like a pear.

If you are a parent raising a child who was “14 and under” in 1973, congratulations. You are living through one of the most confusing, liberating, and terrifying eras in modern American parenting. The Vietnam War draft has just ended (January 1973), the Supreme Court has just handed down Roe v. Wade , and your local movie theater is playing The Exorcist —which is rated R, but somehow every seventh-grader knows the pea soup scene by heart. 14 and under -1973 parents guide-

Buy your 14-year-old a whistle on a shoelace. Tell them it is a “fashion accessory.” It is not. It is a distress siren. Part III: The Parenting Guide for Media – TV, Movies, and the R-Rating Problem The MPAA rating system was only five years old in 1973 (introduced in 1968). The ratings were: G, M (now PG), R, and X. But here is the catch: Theaters did not enforce them. The Drive-In Theater Problem If your child is 14, they have access to the drive-in theater. You think they are watching The Love Bug behind the screen. In reality, they have climbed a tree and are watching The French Connection (R) on screen four. By 1973, the drive-in is essentially a babysitter that serves popcorn and soft-core horror. Television: The “Family Hour” is a Lie Network TV in 1973 is a minefield. All in the Family (CBS) uses words you have never said in front of your children (e.g., “dago,” “spic,” “hebe”). Maude has an abortion episode (Part 1 and 2). The Waltons is safe. The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour is safe until Cher wears a sequined jumpsuit with a slit to the navel. Compromise on the hair

Do not bother hiding the newspaper. Your 14-year-old reads the headlines at the 7-Eleven. Instead, watch the 6:30 news with them. Use the word “allegedly” a lot. When images of the Yom Kippur War flash across the screen, say, “That is why we are lucky to live here,” and change the channel to The Brady Bunch reruns. The Music: Satanic Panic 1.0 Your 14-year-old’s record collection (yes, vinyl—probably scratched) includes albums like The Dark Side of the Moon (Pink Floyd), Houses of the Holy (Led Zeppelin), and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (Elton John). Parents in 1973 are convinced that rock music causes drug use, premarital sex, and long hair that obscures the ears (a major sign of delinquency). You will be signing the cast with a Sharpie every night

| | 1973 Verdict | | :--- | :--- | | Bike helmet | Unnecessary. A scraped knee builds character. | | R-rated movie | “No” for under 12. For 12-14, “Only if you close your eyes during the sex part.” | | Walking to school alone (1 mile) | Required. Teaches responsibility. | | Smoking cigarettes | “You will stunt your growth.” (They will try it anyway.) | | Smoking marijuana | “That is a crime. You will go to jail with murderers.” | | Listening to Alice Cooper | “Fine, but not at dinner.” | | Reading Go Ask Alice (1971 book) | “It’s fiction, but yes, that is what happens when you take LSD.” | | Using the word “cool” | Acceptable. | | Using the word “groovy” | Not acceptable. It’s 1973, not 1968. | | Camping unsupervised in the backyard | Mandatory. Let them rough it. | Conclusion: You Are Doing Fine, 1973 Parent Raising a child who is 14 and under in 1973 means accepting that you cannot control every variable. You cannot remove the swear words from M A S H*. You cannot stop the older boys from smoking behind the bowling alley. You cannot explain why President Nixon looks so sweaty on TV.